just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
