It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
