Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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