I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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