Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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