You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
