She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
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