I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
