I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
this boner is exhausting
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
you had me at cake vodka
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
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