Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
