recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
