Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
