if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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