I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
