About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
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