Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
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i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
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We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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