fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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