6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
