My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
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I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
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You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
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