She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
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omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
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hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
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