.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
