glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
