Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
