Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
