not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
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We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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