Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
