So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
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