i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
i think my cat just said my name.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
