Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
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