accomplished twins. life is a go
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
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