My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
