Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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