it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
