I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
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