Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
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The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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