at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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