yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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