bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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