i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
