i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
