so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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