Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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