It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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