matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
