Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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