Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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