ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
