I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Randomize
