U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
