I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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