At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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