I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
