Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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