i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
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We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
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His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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