Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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