we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
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