I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
