Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
