im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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