She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
