If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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