i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
