I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
