I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Randomize
