Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
We are all done wearing pants today
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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