i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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