bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
