I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
