I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
