Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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