I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Randomize
