everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
you made out with another girl for some wings
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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