At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
